Trash Talk {and how to love your husband}

· by · in marriage. ·

Taking out the trash. It’s not glamorous. It’s stinky. It’s grody. There are diapers involved.

And it is never-ending. As soon as my husband has removed a full bag and replaced it with an empty trash sack, the bin seems well on its way to being full again.

But it never overflows.

He always empties it. Always. Without fail.

And how often do I say thank you?

I mean I say thank you for the wonderful things–for the surprises, for the gifts, for the treats…

…when he brings home pizza so I don’t have to cook…

…when he goes above and beyond…

But do I say thanks for the everyday mundane?

Because when we start to have the perspective that “it’s his duty; he had BETTER fulfill it,” we miss the blessing of our husbands’ sacrificial love for us through every routine chore and action. Do we say thanks for the things he “ought” to do?

Sometimes a great way to love your husband is the most simple:

Say thanks.

Thank you for taking out the trash

and

thank you for putting your laundry in the hamper

and

thank you for shoveling the drive when it snows

and

thank you for being home for dinner

and

thank you for working hard

and

thank you for changing the oil

and

thank you for paying the bills

and

thank you for coaching the boys’ teams

and

just thank you.

Thank you for taking care of our family so well.

Can you find [at least] ten reasons to thank your husband for the things “he ought to do” this week? You might be surprised by his reaction (and the blessing it will be to your marriage).

26 responses to “Trash Talk {and how to love your husband}”

  2. 1) Does your husband say thank you for putting on your lipstick in the morning (I am referencing the post about looking pretty for your husband).

    2) Does your husband say thanks for cleaning out the lint trap (this of course saves time and money, right?)

    3) Does your husband say thanks for packing the boys a healthy and fun lunch with cheese stick lightsabers.

    4) Does your husband say thanks for keeping the clothes he dumps in the hamper clean.

    5) Does your husband say thanks for all the stinky diapers you change.

    6) Does your husband say thanks for making sweet clothes for your little girl to wear.

    7) Does your husband say thanks for all the crafts you do with the kids.

    8) Does your husband say thanks for all the errands you run while he is working.

    9) Does your husband say thanks for all the meals you did cook.

    10) Does your husband say thanks for cleaning the floors, toilets, dishes and so on.

    That’s ten, but I could keep going if you would like.

    It just seems like marriages can benefit from husbands thanking housewives for all the things they ‘ought’ to do. I guess the whole thank you thing goes both ways.

    AND, women can be sexy in sweat pants and bathrobes…

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    • Hey Jay! I just wanted to pop in and say that you make a good point above. Marriages CAN benefit from husbands thanking wives for all they do to make their house a home. {and as a side note, I know Gina’s husband and the answer to questions 1-10 is yes…He is a keeper! }

      As you have probably seen, from reading all of Gina’s previous posts, her intent is to encourage and to bless those who would stop by for a moment and read her thoughts. She is a lover of Jesus who wants to point others to do the same. Because she is a woman, her sphere of influence would primarily be women, so I believe her heart in this post was to encourage those women with practical ways they could contribute to making their marriage stronger and to love their husbands well. I for one, a busy mom of a 2 and 3 year old, was thankful for this reminder!

      Your wife will certainly be blessed from your desire to be sure she is thanked and appreciated for her dedication to your home! And maybe other men who stop by this post will also be encouraged to do the same!

      Have a wonderful day!

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        • Jay, thank you so much for sharing your heart. And thank you for coming back and clarifying that you are a woman… I–like Becky–assumed incorrectly that “Jay” was a man. Please forgive me.

          What you and Becky say is true: marriages definitely benefit when both the wife AND the husband live together with a sense of gratitude and thanksgiving for one another. My husband is actually amazing and expresses his gratitude and sings my praises all the time. I am deeply grateful for the gift he is in my life and in our marriage.

          However, I have two thoughts on your comment:

          1. This post is not about how to have a great marriage; it’s about one way for a wife to love her husband. It is not to claim that there aren’t many attributes of a healthy marriage, but just to highlight one possible way for a wife to add value to hers.

          2. The sort of marriage that I’m afraid you might be hinting at in your comment is a contractual marriage. It is a partnership that says, “I will do this as long as you do that” or “I will love you as long as you please me.” And while my husband is incredible, he is also imperfect. I do not love him because he loves me; I love him because he is my husband. And when I stood before God and our friends to be united in marriage, I made an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person for life. I do not treat him well because he treats me well (although he DOES); I treat him well because that is what I am called to do, and I am the only person over whose behavior I have a say. I trust his behavior to him and–more so–to the Lord.

          This covenant love to which I refer doesn’t just happen. It blossoms from first having a relationship with the Author of love, God. He created us for fellowship–which is why Adam finished naming all the animals in the garden and realized there was no corresponding partner suitable for him (Genesis 2:19-20). And God, desiring to restore fellowship with us after the fall, sent His own Son Jesus to Earth to live a sinless life (that we can’t live), die a death (that we deserve), and rise again to conquer the grave. When we place our trust in His death and resurrection as payment for our sins, we are adopted as His heirs and children, forgiven. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him” (John 3:16-17).

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    • Jay, Please forgive me for jumping to conclusions on your gender. And as a side note…I love the name Jay for a woman. We are a BIG fan of fun names at our house. My oldest son is Spear and youngest is Sledge:) Have a fabulous day!!!!

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      • I guess I am surprised that the comment I made has had such a strange reaction. The very idea of a contractual marriage sickens me and it saddens me that this idea is what was taken from my comment.

        I think marriage and running a household is a team effort. At the end of the day, who cares who did what as long as the job gets done and everyone sleeps peacefully. Saying thank you is so easy and effortless and so ‘under-used’. That is really all I was saying. Hearing a simple thank you goes so far.

        I actually brought this up in a conversation with my mom today. She was a stay at home mom when I was a kid. She did such great things. She left me ‘napkin notes’ in my lunch (a little note in the corner of my daily napkin), she made me the THREE LAYER cake for my 9th birthday because I thought it would be really cool. She always made sure my favorite sheets were clean. Such simple things and I don’t remember saying ‘thanks mom’. I just always expected these things from her.

        On the same note, I don’t think my dad has done 10 loads of laundry in his life. He rarely fights the crowds at the grocery store. He never has to wait for dinner. I know he appreciates all the things my mom has done for him. I know he loves my mom 100%, but I don’t really remember hearing my dad say ‘thanks’.

        The graditude was always understood. My mom never doubted that she was needed and loved. But I did ask today “Mom, would it have made a difference if we said thanks?” She at first didn’t know what to say. After a little discussion she did admit that while she knew how much we all appreciated her, hearing it would have always been nice. I think that was the ORIGINAL point of the blog entry (it is always nice to say thanks when you appreciate something)….my point was it is ok to hear the thanks in return…simple as that.

        I know that when I hear a thank you for something I do, I feel a little pep in my step. I do thinks because I want to, but it sure is nice to hear that what you have done was appreciated. That is all. Everytime you hear a thank you, you can store it away for a rainy day.

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    • Cheese stick light sabers…I’m gonna have to try that! Love it 🙂 Oh, and you are SO RIGHT, yes-my hubby thanks me for those things & it is a great benefit! Thanks for posting 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  3. That’s funny that you bring up husbands & trash duty, because it was my husband’s one regular household job for four years! (His job keeps him away a LOT, so I couldn’t expect much more than that.) I used to let trash pile up like crazy (in what I called “overflow bags” – filled brown paper bags stacked on TOP of our kitchen trash bin) because I did not want to let go of his ONE job! But finally I accepted the fact that he was doing the best he could and that there is a season for everything. I take it out now without minding at all. Sometimes it’s better to just let go and be happy than to cling to something and hold a grudge! 🙂

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  4. I thank my husband every time he does something I didn’t ask him to do and when he does things like the above. I am a stay at home mom. I don’t feel that I should be thanked for everything I do because its a job and a privledge. It would be like going to my husbands job and thanking him for every single thing he does while he is there. But when he comes home and helps me with my job, (something I can’t do for him at his job) I find myself lucky and grateful that’s there is one less thing I have to worry about.

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  5. Pingback: How To Love Your Husband, Say Thank You·

  8. Pingback: The Red Sea, the Memory of a Goldfish, and Saying Thanks « CampClem·

  9. Wow! I really am not sure where to even start. I guess we can all see your sin is one of vanity. God does not call us to wear lipstick or to attract our husbands, he calls us to spread the news of salvation. This is an example of what turns people off of christianity. I can’t wait until we are all seated before Christ and I tell of my service to the Lord by getting sweaty in Third world countries sharing the gospel and you tell how you applied lipstick for your husband. Time well spent.

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    • Katrina, do you really think that judging others for loving their husbands and looking best for them sometimes (instead of being in sweats all the time) is something that God would say is righteous? Your comment is what turns me off to Christianity, because even though you do your work in third world countries it seems to give you some kind of complex that you’re better than everyone else. I have been to India twice. It doesn’t make me better than anyone. I think loving others is really what Christ wants. Especially, since it says in the Bible to love our husbands. We are obeying Him and THAT is time well spent. Do you really think that your comment is loving and something that Christ would say? Because I don’t hear Christ’s forgiveness, love, or compassion in any word of that response. I would think that since you are someone that is spreading the gospel, that you would want to get the main message across, which is Christ’s love.

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    • I think that where we are, no matter where that is, at home, at work, in America, in Kenya….. whatever we do, we do it to glorify God. Sometimes that means getting our hands dirty, sometimes it is putting lipstick on. I am a happily married woman, and as such I feel that pleasing him with not cutting my hair short, looking decent when he comes home from work is not a sin of vanity, but obedience to Scripture in respecting and honoring my husband. Not all of us are called to service in third world countries, although I have done that, and hope for an other opportunity in the future. Where I am, what I do, who I am…….. we’re all in different places, hopefully fulfilling God’s purpose in our lives.

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    • Katrina – Two things: #1 Let us not judge one another. #2 A little kindness and thanks goes a long way in our everyday, moment to moment lives…whether its at home in your marriage or far away in a third world country.
      My God does not judge me based on WHERE I serve..Thank goodness! We are all called to serve in different ways, at different times, in different places.
      GIna is one of the most loving and compassionate people I know. She loves the Lord with all of her heart and soul. And were she called to serve in a 3rd world country I am certain she would find a way to get there. And I know those people would be blessed beyond imagination!
      Perhaps you might spend some time on Romans 12:3-10- It speaks of HUMBLE service to the Lord…in many different ways…
      May God bless you in your service – where ever it may lead you.

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    • Katrina,

      I truly appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reading and being part of the conversation. It is so hard to read “tone of voice” in written communication, but please know that this reply is not a counterattack to your comment. I have carefully considered what you wrote and tried to make a thoughtful response.

      But with that being said…

      This post is called How to Love Your Husband. If it were entitled How To Best Glorify God: Look Pretty, I could completely understand your been legitimately outraged. What a shame it would be for anyone to derive that God’s love or forgiveness (or our value in His sight) is dependent on our outward appearances. Of course, He assures us that the opposite is true: “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b).

      And while this post only mentions thanking your husband as one way to love him, I wonder if the post you are actually reacting to/commenting on is the “Weekend Wear” post? Although I can neither recall nor find any place on my blog where I have championed everyone or anyone wearing lipstick (I don’t actually wear lipstick myself typically), I stand by my premise that putting forth the time and effort to try to bless my husband is not only a worthwhile pursuit, but one that actually honors God. [And as a side note, my husband happens to prefer heels and make-up, but if another prefers another look, be it make-up-less and tennis shoes or whatever, more power to him.]

      You see, since marriage is meant to be a picture of Christ and His church, there is a connection between how well I love my husband and my ability to effectively share the gospel. The Weekend Wear & Trash Talk posts just made one suggestion (each) on how to love one’s husband. And if loving my husband is somehow a sin (according to you?) and therefore out, what of loving my children? Is it sin to feed and bathe them because that time would be “better” spent telling someone the good news? Of course not.

      Older women […] are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, […so] that the word of God may not be reviled (Titus 2:3-5).

      Sharing the gospel is paramount, but if that is all we ever do, neglecting everything else, that would be a misappropriation of our time too. Even the apostle Paul worked as a tent-maker during his missionary journeys (Acts 18:1-4). It’s a slippery slope: one could claim that it is evil to take care of one’s self at all, to feed or clothe or do ANYTHING but share the gospel. In this state, we as Christ-followers would be naked, starving, wasting away to a quick death while proclaiming the good news of a new life.

      And when we are in Heaven, will the souls who you might lead to Christ while sweating in third world countries be more valuable in our Lord’s sight than those I might lead to Christ in my realm of influence as a wife and mother? I would say no. In fact, I bet we will find ourselves rejoicing together to have been used to further His kingdom, not comparing scorecards in a campaign to impress Jesus.

      If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:3-7).

      Really, your comment could have been made on any one of my posts: “God does not call us to make fabric-covered buttons, but to spread the news of salvation. I can’t wait to tell of my service to the Lord by getting sweaty in Third world countries sharing the gospel and you tell how you made crafts. Time well spent.” I wonder if your attack has anything to do with me or what I said at all, but rather was a reaction to my suggestion that a wife please her husband? So many women have been deeply wounded in relationships with fathers, husbands, and/or loved ones that did not look like a model of Christ and the church, and sometimes they lash out at any hint that a female should put forth any effort whatsoever to please a man…

      But thank you for sharing your heart and putting yourself “out there” by posting a comment.
      g i n a

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    • “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” – James 3:9-10

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      • Katrina, so glad you came to this blog and became so vulnerable in such a public way. I hope you can embrace the serious lovin’ coming from these ladies and when you get to know Gina like we all do, you may understand how you can appreciate Jesus through her as well. You didn’t land here by accident 🙂 Salvation is a message of grace and truth and He will know all we do for Him by our love (1 Corinthians 13). Peace.

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  10. Katrina,
    I do believe God calls us to spread the Gospel. He is clear on that commission. And I do not take exception to that point. However another matter very close to the heart of God is Christian unity. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians makes it clear that God does not want fellow believers divided over “non-essential” matters. For example, in Ephesians 4 Paul tells them “to live a life worthy of the calling…to bear with one another in love…..to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit.” And then in verse 29 he tells us to “not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouth, but only what is helpful in building others up (according to their needs) that it may benefit those who listen. Be kind and compassionate to one another. “
    God is a gracious father to us. Us being those who, on our own, are rotten sinners without hope. But because of His great love for us, He gave us His son and offered us access to His family. Oh how it must grieve His heart to see those children, who he loves, and gave His son for, throw stones at each other. It divides and it does not build us up, nor does it build up those who do not know Him…and who are most certainly watching us. Watching us to see why we are different, and why they should want what we are asking them to receive. So while I clearly agree that we are called to spread the message of Salvation, our actions speak louder than words. And when we spend energy seeking to tear down a fellow believer, we muddy the waters of the message of Salvation….because why would someone who has heard us tell them God will change their life, believe us when they see us act like the world?

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